Caution: learning the art of forgiveness can create feelings of happiness. It’s true. I discovered a few years ago, forgiving a person is deeply liberating. I’m not going to lie; the process of forgiveness can be a challenge. However, the outcome far exceeds any pain experienced.
Here’s how to transform your perceived enemy into your best friend. Let me guide you through the scenario that happened to me. One of my close relationships with a friend began to falter. Contact between us got a little less until over the space of a few months the relationship seemed to fade completely. One day all contact had ceased. In these situations, the mind can be a hot bed of fertile notions and ideas. Stories can develop and very often it’s the other person that fares the worst.
This is called the blame game. Staying stuck in a place of blame creates so much inner pain and anguish. You become obsessed with the other person and how it’s the reason why you’re not happy anymore. You convince yourself that your lack of contact is justified.
Pain of Blame
Emotions of holding blame
Choosing to stay stuck in a place where you feel so much pain in your heart is a toxic place to remain.
It can reverberate through other relationships where you begin to lose trust. You begin to believe you can’t trust another. This can leave you feeling very lonely. This is not a place of happiness.
All of these emotions of blame are based on not feeling loved. If you’re experiencing hurt, it’s because somebody did not show love towards you. Holding onto that type of pain in your body can have a detrimental impact to your mental well-being. It creates fatigue on the body and the mind. Focusing your energy on something that is negative creates a vortex that pulls you down. The feeling of fear, is actually you experiencing the loss of love. Hate is the absence of love. In the words of Martin Luther King Jr “Hate cannot drive out Hate; Only love can do that.”
What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is the ability to open your heart and to allow the possibility that there’s another side to this story. Forgiveness starts in the heart. It has reverberations throughout the rest of your body but begins from a place of love and a willingness to open your heart. Why do you need to forgive? The bigger question is ‘Do you want to continue to feel so fatigued and carry all of these negative thoughts? Obsessing about or negatively thinking about the other person is not healthy. Long term it will create a disease in your body. Feelings of happiness are created when we honour ourselves and others from a place of love. Through following a few simple steps which I’ll outline here, I transformed the struggles of my own close relationships to a place of love. They’re so simple you may be tempted to skip them. To experience the energy of love from your heart, I challenge you to practice this.
1. Forgive yourself first. Nothing can be changed outside of ourselves without first looking within. It starts with you. Stop all of the negative energies flooding towards the other person by taking responsibility for your own emotions.
2. Compassion. Once you become accountable for your feelings you can begin to see the other person through a compassionate heart. They may actually be having serious life issues that you are unaware of because you’re so obsessed about your own life. Reaching out to them in a loving way, sending them a message to let them know that you’re thinking about them may be the gift that they need in that moment.
3. Hawaiian Heart Healing Forgiveness Meditation. This healing meditation is based on the Ho’oponopono forgiveness meditation. This has a powerful effect that can transform any relationship. Do not be fooled by the simplicity of this meditation. There are 4 things you need to say: “I love you. I am Sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you.” How to do it: Imagine the person that you are struggling with right now. As you see them, say the words “I love you, I am sorry, please forgive me, thank you.” Keep repeating these words throughout the day. You can go deeper by setting up a meditation space and really feel the energy of forgiveness. The real power in this is not ‘over-thinking’ it. Just say it and let it go.
I didn’t believe this could work. I feel that’s the beauty with this, you don’t have to believe, you just say the words and they have an impact. When I started using it I was blown away. After six months of no contact I began saying these words and sending love to my friend. Within ONE week, she reached out to me as if nothing happened. Incredible. You don’t need to understand it, healing happens despite your thoughts.
Through love, repentance, forgiveness, and gratitude you can heal any relationship.
Open to your compassionate heart and feel unconditional love through forgiveness.