Recently, my new, updated website launched and it marks a pinnacle in life for me. My dream is to spread words of love, care and hope to as many people in the world that need them. Let me tell you my why - why I do this, why I care and why this matters so much to me.
My early life was spent following a career path in the corporate world - climbing the ladder and being successful was all that ever mattered work-wise. It’s not surprising as I knew nothing else of myself. I knew I was competitive, I knew I wanted to be the best at whatever cost, I knew I wanted to be the ultimate successful person. I sacrificed as people do. For one company I worked from 7am in the morning often until 11pm at night and quite often at the weekends – with two babies at home. On my third baby I relinquished some maternity leave to fly abroad to learn how to set up one of the first mortgage call centres in Dublin. I did it and I loved doing it, I’d go so far as to say I revelled in it.
But then life can teach you some very hard lessons and the walls you had built around you come tumbling down. And you’re helpless, you can never build them back up, at least not the way they once were. And perhaps you’d never build those walls in the same ever again anyway.
Shortly after I came back from that work trip, my youngest son died. Taken from us cruelly and suddenly and our world flipped over and nothing would ever be the same again. The grief, the torment, the madness that we suffered is indescribable – unless perhaps you talk to another parent who has lost a child. Without knowing that awful pain, you will actually never understand and I sincerely hope you don’t ever know it.
I escaped the corporate world as I knew it and I write now, I write words of care for those who need to receive them. I write words of care for those who want to send them but cannot find words of their own. I know this, because kind and meaningful words helped me through so much at such an awful time.
I love the words in the picture I’ve attached here as it resonated with me so much. Not only do I miss Ryan every single day when life goes on for everybody else and not only do I hold him safe in my heart forever, I held him in my body for nine precious months, just me and him, momma and son, that was our time alone before the world ever met him. And although I don’t hold him physically now, I feel him around me all the time, I know he’s with me in only the way that a mother can feel the presence of her child.
I sincerely hope that I, with Ryan by my side and with everything we’ve been through, leave a legacy in the world with words that spread love, care and hope.
To my little Angel, wrapped safely within my heart and soul, I’ll miss you forever x